This picture pretty much captures my attitude towards dating
This is my first real foray into dating and I’m actually
having a lot of fun despite not knowing any rules of the game. Before I go any
further, my ego is demanding I mention how touching and inspiring it is to see
myself putting myself out there again; to get loved or to get burned by love;
and to get my heart undoubtedly smashed by the beauty and terror of dating. Side
note: I’d say I’m pretty self-aware and do this often – step out of my own body
and watch myself going through the motions as an impartial spectator – don’t
look at me that way, it’s not weird at all. It’s exactly what you need to grow
out of the paradox of insecurities and arrogance that define youth.
Up until 6 weeks ago, I was in denial about the demise of my
relationship. I will admit. I wrote about “waiting” and “trusting your gut” and
“crossing your fingers” and “hoping for the best” because honestly, when your
buoyfriend leaves you to drown in a pool of desperation, what else can you do?
I mean, aside from taking one too many tequila shots and spamming one’s now-exboyfriend’s
inbox with psychotic and pleading emails, of course.
He broke up with me because he “didn’t want to be in a
relationship”. Seriously, babes? Sometimes, we have to open our discerning eyes
and read between the lines. It’s the sole reason we study Literature in high
school. He didn’t want to be in a relationship, maybe true; but more
specifically and more importantly, he didn’t want to be in a relationship – here comes the punchline – with me.
Fair enough, but this is a hard-hitting fact to accept. Especially when you
know that you’re the best person ever and why doesn’t he realize that? But once
the crying is done, organize that messy bleeding heart, jump back on the high horse
and wreak havoc. The only way forward is to be reconciled with the past and
pursue personal growth (and men with ridiculously chiseled bods) with vigilant
optimism, amirite?
Going on dates is both thrilling and stress inducing –
mostly stress inducing. What I have to constantly remind myself, in order to
Keep Calm and Date On, is that a date isn’t a performance, a competition or an
audition for a role; it’s merely a means of getting to know somebody. Nobody
should be trying to make a statement or meet some arbitrary standards to prove
themselves worthy of a second date, of sex, of a relationship; we’re all in the
same boat, just trying to form a meaningful connection with another fellow
human being.
And just FYI, if you get invited out or if, heaven forbid,
you should ask someone out and they say “yes”, half the battle has already
been won. People – gonna make a sweeping statement now, but generally – don’t
go on dates with people they don’t like. In fact, it’s quite the opposite; people
go out with people they are interested in and want to get to know. Now comes
the groundbreaking revelation: your date wants everything to go well just as
badly as you do. So don’t worry about that stupid piece of salami that was
supposed to go gracefully into your mouth but ended up falling into your lap.
You are still the cool, witty, charming person they’ve been hoping to meet. And
honestly, you’re both hoping for the same thing. As the saying goes, may the
odds be ever in your favor.
